Quick summary: In the first year at a new school, children typically go through a phase where they barely speak in class—this can last several months and is normal, not a sign of learning problems. What parents should do is maintain stable daily routines, preserve their native language at home, and communicate early with teachers. What parents shouldn't do is pile on extra tutoring classes, compare grades with peers, and ask "what did you learn today" every evening.
When Vietnamese-speaking parents move their child to a new school abroad, they usually worry about one thing: will my child keep up academically. But in the first year, a more important question is: does my child feel safe there. When a child feels safe, they learn language very quickly. When a child feels pressured, they retreat—and no amount of tutoring can make up for that.
We write this based on experience working with many families who have moved their children to schools abroad, combined with advice that language support teachers give to parents at international schools. There's no one formula that works for every child, but there are mistakes that repeat themselves consistently.
The Silent Period: Why Your Child Doesn't Talk in Class
Children learning a second language typically go through what educators call the "silent period." Your child hears, observes, gradually understands—but barely speaks. This phase can last from a few weeks to several months, depending on age and personality.
Here's what matters: silence does not mean your child isn't learning. Many children understand most of what the teacher says before they dare speak their first sentence. One day your child will start talking—usually in full phrases at once, not word by word.
Parents often damage this period by pressuring kids to "speak English" at home or making them read aloud in front of guests. That pressure extends the silent period; it doesn't shorten it.
The First Year: Common Milestones
Every child is different, but here are the typical patterns that families we work with experience, along with what to watch for at each stage:
| Stage | What You'll Usually See | What Parents Should Do |
|---|---|---|
| First two weeks | Obvious excitement or fear; tired when coming home | Let your child sleep early, keep dinners calm, don't ask detailed questions |
| Months one to three | Silent in class, plays alone often, may cry some mornings before school | Meet the teacher, ask if your child has someone to sit with at lunch |
| Months three to six | Starting to speak in phrases, has one or two close friends | Invite your child's friends over to play, encourage one extracurricular activity |
| Months six to twelve | Conversation flows fairly naturally, but reading and academic writing are still slow | Ask the school about language support; don't rush to compare grades |
| Year two | Conversational language nearly at peer level; academic language still needs time | Monitor subjects requiring lots of reading like social studies and literature |
One important distinction: conversational language and academic language are different things. Your child may speak fluently with friends after a year, but reading a history text or writing an essay at peer level usually takes much longer. Don't assume fluent speech means your child has caught up in all subjects.
What Parents Should Do in the First Three Months
This checklist isn't long, but each item makes a real difference:
- [ ] Request a meeting with the homeroom teacher within the first two weeks, don't wait for the parent-teacher conference. Tell them about your child: personality, interests, dietary restrictions, things that worry your child.
- [ ] Ask if the school has a language support program (often called EAL or ESL). Ask specifically: how many hours per week, pulled out of class or supported in-class.
- [ ] Ask for a "buddy" for your child during the first few weeks—many schools have this system; parents just need to ask.
- [ ] Keep your daily routines stable: bedtime, mealtimes, playtime. Your child is exhausted from understanding a new language all day; sleep is the best recovery.
- [ ] Keep your native language at home. A strong first language gives your child emotional grounding and, according to bilingual research, actually supports learning the second language.
- [ ] Read books together in both languages. Simple picture books from the local country are a good way for both you and your child to learn.
- [ ] Give your child one activity outside school time that doesn't require much talking: swimming, soccer, art, music. Children make friends through activities before they make friends through words.
- [ ] Learn about lunch time and recess schedules. That's when newly arrived children feel most alone, not during class.
What Not to Do, Even With Good Intentions
Here are things parents often do, meaning well, but that usually backfire:
- Don't pile on tutoring classes from month one. Your child is already processing a new language all day; two more hours of evening tutoring takes away rest, not add learning.
- Don't compare grades with classmates or cousins back home. First-year grades don't reflect your child's ability, only how comfortable they're becoming.
- Don't ask "what did you learn today" every evening. You'll usually get "nothing." Ask more specifically: "Who did you sit with at lunch?", "Did anything make you laugh today?"
- Don't ask for grade skipping or grade retention based only on language. Most systems place by age for good reasons. Holding a child back one grade to "catch up on language" can separate them from peers for years. Listen to the school's recommendation first.
- Don't drop the native language because you worry it will confuse your child. Mixing two languages in one sentence is a normal phase, not a disorder.
- Don't promise "it will be fun once you get there." If your child isn't happy right away, they'll think something's wrong with them. Tell the truth: it will be hard at first, and we're here.
Younger children vs. teenagers: very different first years
Under 10 years old
Younger children integrate fastest. Conversational language comes naturally through play. What to watch for is homesickness—missing grandparents and old friends—which can show up as sleep problems, eating changes, or regression to younger behaviors. Usually resolves on its own within a few months.
Ages 11 to 15
This is the hardest age group. Friends matter more than family, while your child doesn't yet have the language to make friends. Schoolwork requires lots of reading and writing. Many families choose to move at a different time to avoid landing right in this age range, or choose an international school with many newly arrived students like your child. The article choosing an international school when relocating goes deep into school selection criteria.
Age 16 and up
Your child has direction and can make more decisions. What matters is the path to university: moving at this age directly affects university applications and college costs. The article second passport and your child's education path analyzes this phase.
Red flags: signs your child needs additional support
Most first-year difficulties resolve naturally. But some signs shouldn't wait:
- Refusal to go to school that persists, or stomachaches and headaches every school morning that disappear on weekends.
- Your child hasn't mentioned any friends after several months, and the teacher confirms your child plays alone most of the time.
- Signs of bullying: missing belongings, torn clothes, unwillingness to talk about recess. New children who don't speak the language fluently are often targeted.
- Major changes in eating or sleep lasting more than a few weeks.
- Your child says things like "I don't want to be here anymore" seriously and repeatedly.
When you see these signs, schedule a meeting with the teacher and school counselor. In countries like Canada and Australia, both public and international schools have student support departments; you just need to ask. Don't treat seeking support as "making a big deal out of nothing."
Parents are also in their own first year
One thing rarely discussed: children read their parents' emotions very sensitively. If parents are stressed about paperwork, work, or homesickness—your child feels it, even if nobody says it out loud.
The first year is hard for the whole family, as the article moving your whole family abroad: what really happens describes. Taking care of yourselves—getting enough sleep, having friends to talk to, having private time—is also taking care of your child.
If parents aren't confident in the local language yet, learn alongside your child. The article how much language to learn before moving suggests the minimum language level parents need to work with the school.
Next steps
If your family hasn't moved yet: choose your timing carefully. Starting at the beginning of the school year is easier than mid-year, because the whole class is new and the teacher has a plan for welcoming new students. If you haven't chosen a country yet, our recommendation tool helps you filter by your child's education goals.
If your child is already in school: this week, schedule a brief meeting with the teacher, and tonight try replacing "what did you learn today" with "did you have fun today". The answer will tell you more than a report card.
